章节目录 11

(88106 www.88106.info)    SIMONrememberedSarahscreamingwhenhetriedtoturnoffthetelevisionset.Thethinghadcapturedherandanyonewholaidahandonitwassubjecttoafull-scaletantrumwithkettledrumsandcannon.Shewas,forsomereason,inordinatelyfondofDaffyDuck,althoughtheRoadRunnerwasalsoafa?vorite.Shewasqueenlyinexpressingherself.Attwo,sheproducedasentencethatSimonstillmarveledat.Wheneventswerenotmarchingtohersatisfactionshewouldsay,gravely,"Youaremakingmeangry."Afterthissentencejoinedthehouseholdssentence-hoardSimonceasedtoworryaboutlanguageacquisition.IntheearlymorningsshewouldrushintothebedroomandclimbintobedwithSimonandhiswife,settlinginbetweenthemwithsoftlittlegroansofsatisfaction.Whenshegrewup,shesaid,shewantedtobeaballe?rina.Hermothermadeheratutuoutofsomepinkgauzymaterialandsheprancedaboutthehouseinthis,whiteDanskins,andacardboardtiaraonwhichgoldstarshadbeenpasted,exhibitingallthegraceofatallgesturingcactus.Whenshewasfourteenshewaspickedupforshoplifting,frightenedasthoroughlyaspossible,andreleased.TheiteminquestionwasatubeoflipglosscalledPenumbra.

    HerememberedCaroljumpingonhimforusingthemitttoholdtheendofthevealbonewhilehetriedtocutmeatfromit."Thatsnotwhatthemittisfor!"Hehadtoldhertoshutup,itwashismitt,heduseitforanydamnedthinghecaredtoincludingcleaningthegreasetrapifhecaredto.Mittnights.Afterdinnershetoldhimnottoeatonionsfromthepot.Thebabystandingonthekitchentableandsinging

    Impretty

    Impretty

    AndIdontcare

    Memoriesofmitt.

    "ThisguyslappedVeronica."

    "Why?"

    "Shedoesntknow.ShewentoutforpizzaandstoppedattheKoreanmarket.Shehadabigcauli?flowerinherhands,shewaskindoffeelingittoseeifitwas——"

    "Andheslappedher?"

    "Ablackguy.Walkeduptoherandslappedherintheface.Knockedhersunglassesoff."

    "Whatdshedo?"

    "HewasaVietnamvet."

    "Howdoyouknow?"

    "Hesaidso.Hesaid,ImaVietnamvetandImcrazy.Thenheslappedher.Thenheaskedherformoney."

    "Didshegivehimany?"

    "Ofcoursenot,shethrewthecauliflowerathim."

    "Didithithim?"

    "Noithitanoldlady.Rightinthemush.Shedidntthrowitsowell?"

    "Whathappenedthen?"

    "TheKoreanguybehindthecounterhadafit.Felldownandfoamedatthemouth."

    "Isheokay?"

    "Theparamedicstookhimaway."

    "Whathappenedtotheblackguy?"

    "Hesplit."

    "IsVeronicaokay?"

    "Sure.Shesusedtoit.Beingbashedaround.Thisisagreattownyouhavehere."

    Doreisangry.Shesholdingtheboxthatthefrozenpizzacamein.

    "Youreactuallygoingtofeedusthispizza?"

    "Whatsthematterwithit?"

    "Thisfrozenpizza?"

    "Soitsfrozen."

    "Doyouknowwhatitsgotinit?Enrichedflour."

    "Whatsthematterwithenrichedflour?"

    "Theenrichedflourhasinitflour,niacin,reducediron,thiaminemononitrate,andriboflavin."

    "Allgreatstuff.Irememberriboflavinfrommychildhood.TheyputitinWheatiesorsomething."

    "Werejustgettingstarted.Werejustgoingintoourwinduphere.Wegetwater,hydrogenatedsoybeanoil,yeast,salt,andsomethingcalleddoughconditioner.Thedoughconditionersgotsodiumstearoyllactylate,calciumsulfateandsodiumsulfite."

    "Soybeansaregood.InventedbyMartinLutherKing."

    "Movingrightalong,wegetcookedporkandmozzarellacheesesubstitute.Themozzarellacheesesubsti?tutecontainswater,casein,hydrogenatedsoybeanoil——younoticethesoybeanisdoingalotofworkhere——salt,sodiumaluminumphosphate,lacticacid,naturalflavorwhateverthatis,modifiedcornstarch,so?diumcitrate,sorbicacid,sodiumphosphate,artificialcolor,guargum,magnesium,oxide,ferricorthophosphate,zincoxide,B-12,folicacid,B-6hydrochloride,niacinamide,vitaminApalmitate,xanthangum,thia?minemononitrate——Iaskyou."

    "What?"

    "Isthisfoodorachemistryset?"

    "Doesnttastetoobad."

    "Icouldmakeanuclearweaponwithlessstuffthanthispizzahasinit."

    Abarelegagainstapurplishsheet.

    Thethingis,theydiscusshim.

    "Hecouldlosemaybefifteenpounds."

    "Ithinkitskindofcute.LikeSantaClauswithwhatdoesitsayabowlfullofjelly."

    Goodshoulders.Deepchest.Thatsinhisfavor."

    "Andhesgotgoodposture.Wereyoueverintheservice,Simon?"

    "Twoyears."

    "Whenwasthat?"

    "Inthe50s."

    "Youdoanything?"

    "Ofamilitarynature?No,Ijustputinmytime."

    "Alittlebowleggeddontyouthink?"

    "Itsnotbowlegsitsjustthatthekneesaretooclosetogether."

    "Bigfeet."

    "Wellhesabigboy."

    "Thehandslookalittletoilworntomyeye."

    "Youneedtousesomekindoflotion,Simon,Lubridermor——"

    "Buthesstillgotprettymuchhairforaguyhisage,thatsaplus."

    "Ithinkyouneedahaircut,Simon,getawayfromthatshaggylook,thatsnotthelookoftoday."

    "Veronicacancutitforyou.Veronicaknowshowtocuthair."

    "Afive-bucktip,Simon,thatsallittakes.Thirtyforthehaircutandfiveforthetip."

    Theysay,overandover:

    "Catchmydrift?"

    "Catchmydrift?"

    "Catchmydrift?"

    Annesays,"Youneverhadtostandaroundinyourfrillieswithallthoseguyslookingatyou."

    "Well,thatstrue."

    "Also,myboobsaretoosmall."

    "Bywhatstandard?"

    "Generallyacceptedstandards."

    Herbreastsareinfactquiteperfect."Look,dearfriend,"hesays,"onewouldhavetojourneymanydays,crossmightyriversandslogupanddowntower?ingmountains,cutthroughthickmatogrossoswithmachetesineachhand,tofindamorebeautifulwomanthanyoursweetself."

    "Doyoureallythinkthat?"

    "Ofcourse."

    "DoesntdomeanygoodifImdumb,doesit?"

    "Whatmakesyouthinkyouredumb?"

    "IfIwasntdumbIwouldntbeaprofessionalmodel."

    "Doesntfollow.Lookat——"Hegropesforthenameofamodelwhoisalsoamazinglyintelligentbuthisknowledgeofthefieldisinadequate."LaurenHutton,"hesays.

    "Shemakesmoviestoo."

    "Tonsofintelligencethere,"hesays."Aglanceconvinces.Probablydreamsthree-dimensionalchess.Q.E.D."

    "Youreverysupportive,Simon."

    "Iloveyouguys."

    "Thatsthefirsttimeyouvesaidthat."

    "Islipped."

    "WereinMarchnow.ThisisMarch,right?"

    "Thesixteenth."

    "Wevebeenherewhat,amonth?"

    "Justabout."

    "So.Areyousatisfied?"

    "Inwhatregard?"

    "Withus.Beinghere."

    "Ofcourse.Verymuchso."

    "Yourenotgoingtobootusout."

    "WhywouldIdothat?"

    "Maybeyoudontlikethedeal."

    "DoIseemitchy?"

    "Icanttellwithyou.Youvegotahardshell."

    "Look,Imfine.IdontthinkVeronicaistoohappy."

    "Yeah,itsaproblem.Shesalwaysbeenthatway.Shekindofexpectstheworst,youknow?Shesgotanaffinityfortheworst.Sheseeksitout."

    "Why?"

    "Itshermind-set,Iguess.Shegotknockedaroundalotasakid.Shetalksaboutitsometimes."

    "Peoplegetoverit."

    "Notheydont."

    A:Adeadbearinabluedress,facedownonthekitchenfloor.Itripoverit,inthedark,whenIgetupat2A.M.toseeiftheresanythingtoeatintherefrigerator.Itsanarchitecturalproblem,marriage.Ifwecouldliveinseparatehouses,andvisiteachotherwhenwefeltparticularlygay——Itwouldbeexpensive,yes.Butasitwasshehadtoenduremeinallmyworstmanifestations,earlyinthemorningandlateatnightandinthenutsyobsessednoontimes.WhenIwakeupfrommynapyoudontgetthelaughingcavalier,yougetarankpigfootedbelchingblunderer.Iknewthisoneguywhobuiltawalldownthemiddleofhisapart?ment.Animprablewall.Hehadaverybigapart?ment.Itworkedoutverywell.Concreteblock,basically,withfiberglassinsulationontopofthatandsheetrockontopofthat.

    Q:Well,howdoesitmakeyoufeel?Adultery.

    A:Theresacertainamountofguiltattached.Ifeelguilty.ButIfeelguiltyevenwithoutadultery.Iexistinamorassofguilt.Theresmaybealittleadditionalwal?lopofguiltbutIalreadyfeelsoguiltythatIhardlyno?ticeit.

    Q:Wheredoesallthisguiltcomefrom?Theextra-adulterousguilt?

    A:Ikeepwonderingif,say,thereisintelligentlifeonotherpls,thescientistsarguethatsomethingliketwopercentoftheotherplshavetheconditions,thephysicalconditions,tosupportlifeinthewayithappenedhere,didChristvisiteachandeverypl,gothroughthesameroutine,theAgonyintheGarden,theCrucifixion,andsoonAndtheseguysontheseotherpls,theselife-forms,maybetheylooklikebollweevilsorsomething,onamuchlargerscaleofcourse,weretheytoldthattheyshouldntgotobedwithotherattractivesix-footbollweevilsarrayedinsil?verandgoldandwithlittlesquirtsofOpiumbehindtheears?Doesntmakesense.Butofcourseourhumanunderstandingisimperfect.

    Q:Youhaventansweredme.Thisgeneralguilt——

    A:Yes,thatstheinterestingthing.Ihazardthatitisnotguiltsomuchasitisinadequacy.Ifeelthatevery?thingisbeingnibbledaway,becauseIcantgetitright——

    Q:Wouldyouliketobeabletofly?

    A:Itscrossedmymind.

    Q:Thewomenwerealittlestridentdontyouthink?

    A:NoIdontthinkthat.

    Q:Sometimesalittlestrident?

    A:Everybodysalittlestridentsometimes.

    Q:Sometimesyouhavetoscreamtobeheard.Isntthatwhatyouthink?

    A:Idontthinkthat.

    Q:Ineverscream.Imadoctor.

    A:Yourgoodfortune.

    Q:Ithasnothingtodowithgoodfortune.Ithastodowithyearsofthemoststrenuousintellectualeffort.Weretheystridentinbed?

    A:Differentstylesinbedaselsewhere.IguessyoucouldcallVeronicastrident.Stridencyisaresponsetodissatisfaction.

    Q:Whereissatisfaction?

    A:Insleep?

    WHATiftheyalllivedhappilyeveraftertogether?Anunlikelyprospect.Whatwasthereinhisbrainthatforbadesuchfelicity?Toomuch,hisbrainsaid,butthebrainwasafair-to-middlingbrainatbest,theglucosethatkeptitmarching,metabolizedcrèmebr?lée,waspresentbuttherewasnotenoughvinegarinthisbrain,itlackedvinegar.SimondrankvinegarinthemorningsfrombottlessoldtohimaswhitewineandthoughtofParis,whereeveryfifteen-francbottlewasgood,betterthananythingelsehedevertasted.InSwitzerland,inthesummer,inZurichandBasel,hedfoundchilledredwinenotbadeither,alearningexperi?ence,alsothathedidnotwanttoliveinacountrysoferociouslytidy.TheprostitutesinZurichwerehandsomewell-dressedzebras,favoringstarkblackandwhite,streetfurnitureornamentalasthestaidperfectcopsortheshowwindowsoftheBahnhofstrasse,muchgoldwinkingbehindheavyglass.Hedidnotwantawatchorcufflinksoragold-platedcoffeeservice,hewasatadisadvantage.Whatwastheretodowiththesewomen?HedsendthemalltoMIT,makearchitectsofthem!Womenwerecomingintotheprofessioninin?creasingnumbers.Thegroupcouldchathappilyaboutmullions,intheeveningbythefireside,tiringofmullions,turntocladding,wearyingofcladding,attackwithrelishtheproblemsofblast-cleanedpressure-washedgun-appliedpolymer-cement-coatedsteel.Quelhappiness!

    Someonewouldgetpregnant,everyonewouldgetpregnant.AtseventyhedbedealingwithPampersandnewteeth.ThenewchildrenwouldbenamedSusan?nah,Clarice,andBuck.Hedstrolloutonthelawn,inthetwilight,andthrowthefootballatBuck.Thefoot?ballwouldrocketabouttwofeet,thenheadforthegreensward.Thepitifullittlechildwouldsay"Kaintanybodyhereplaythisgame?"

    LIGHTNING.Fouroclockintheafternoon.Thewomenareinthekitchen,enjoyingthedisplayinthebigwindows.

    Annesays,"Whatarewegoingtodoaboutthisbozo?"

    "Whatstodo?"Veronicaasks.

    "Hehasnthurtanything.Yet,"saysDore.

    "Hesbeenverycircumspect."

    "Ithinktoocircumspect."

    "Ithinkhethinkshesdoingtherightthing."

    "Idontthinkhesanut."

    "Idontthinkhesanuteither."

    "HelikesthoseWindhamHillrecords."

    "Idontthinkthatmakeshimanut."

    "Heusestoomuchbutterwhenhecooks.Hesmak?ingpasta,hethrowshalfastickofbutterinjustbeforeheservesit."

    "Buttermakeseverythingtastebetter."

    "Helooksaroundtoseeifanyoneswatchingbeforehethrowsitin.Thenhewhipsitaroundinthererealquick.Hopingitwillmeltbeforeanybodyseesit."

    "Itsjustanefforttoraisethelevel.ThatkindofshowsIthinkanefforttoraisetheleveloflifethatsnottooterrible.TypicallyAmerican."

    Amajesticcrash.Theyjump.

    "Thatwasabiggie."

    "Nottoobad."

    "Butwhatofus?Whatarewegoingtodo?"

    "Bideourtime."

    "Ilikethatexpression."

    "Haveyoueverhungoutwithanarchitectbefore?"

    "IknewthisguyhewasacontractorhecontractedPort-O-Sans."

    "Whatarethey?"

    "Movableouthouses."

    "GoodLordthismanisold."

    "Fifty-three.Oldenoughtobeourfather."

    "Yethehasacertainspirit."

    "Wevegottogetsomethinggoing."

    "Likewhat?"

    "Something."

    "Thistowniscreepy."

    "Itssobigandvast."

    "Whatabouttherabidskunks?"

    "Theyfoundanotherone."

    "Where?"

    "AttheCloisters."

    "Isthatfaraway?"

    "Wayuptown.FortTryonPark."

    "Whatwasitdoing?"

    "Itwaseatingratfood.Thestufftheyputouttokilltherats.Inthebasement.Ireaditinthepaper."

    "Diditbiteanybody?"

    "No.Buttheratfooddidnthurtit,itsstrongerthanaratmuchstrongerandtheratfooddidntaffectit,itwasingoodconditionwhenfound,theysaid."

    "Wellwhataboutitsmate?"

    "Wellmaybeitdidnthaveamate.Therewasnoth?inginthepaperaboutfindingitsmate."

    "SoitsmateisprobablylurkingaroundtheCloisterswaitingtobitesomeone."

    "ProbablynoonewillgototheCloistersuntiltheyfinditsmate."

    "Maybeitdidnthaveamate.Maybeitwasabache?lororsomething."

    "Wellyoucantjustassumethat."

    "Maybeitwasseekingitsmate.ThatgotlostinthevastbasementsoftheCloisters."

    "Idontknowwhyyouhavetoromanticizearabidskunk."

    "Iwasjustthinking."

    "Hesindifferent."

    "Idontthinkhesindifferent.He**swellenough.NotthebestIveeverseen."

    "Hecanttellusapart."

    "OhIdontthinkthatstrue.Heaskedmewhenmybirthdaywas."

    "Whatdyoutellhim?"

    "Itoldhim.Julythird."

    "Wellwhatdoesthatprove?"

    "Hesthoughtful.Hecantellonefromanother.Hesinterestedinusasindividuals."

    "Maybeitsjustafa?ade.Maybehejustknowswhattodotomakeusthinkhecaresaboutusasindividualsandisdoingit."

    "Whywouldhedothat?Ifhecaresaboutusasindi?viduals?"

    "Becausehelikesustohavethefeelingthathecaresaboutusasindividuals?Becauseitmakesthingsmorewarm?"

    "WellifhewantstomakethingsmorewarmIdsaythatwassomethinginhisfavor."

    "Yesbutyouhavetomakeadistinctionbetweenmakingthingsseemacertainwayandhavingthemreallybeacertainway."

    "Wellevenifhesonlyinterestedinmakingthingsseemacertainwaythatmeanshesnotindifferent.Tothedegreethathemakestheeffort."

    "Thatstrue."

    "Butmaybe,ontheotherhand,hereallycares.Aboutusasindividuals."

    "Howwouldweknow?"

    "Therewouldbelittletouches,littleindividualtouches——"

    "Likewhat?"

    "WellwhenI**aguy,whenhesinsideme,IhavethislittleindividualthingIdo,Idontknowhowtodescribeit,itsakindofhookingmotion,it,byitImeanthevagina,grabsthepenisaroundthethroat,whatyoumightcallthethroat,atacertainpoint,akindofchoking,andthenitletsgoandthenitdoesitagain."

    "Wellwhataboutit?"

    "Wellhenoticed."

    "WellIhavesomethingsIknowhowtodotoo."

    "Likewhat?"

    "Wellthatsmybusinessisntit?Idontnecessarilyhavetogoaroundexplainingmytechniques."

    "WellIthinkwereputtingthisthingtoomuchonatechnicalbasis,thatsinterestingbutitsnotthemainthing.Themainthingiswhetherhereallycaresaboutusonanindividualbasis."

    "Howdowefindout?"

    "Maybewecouldgivehimsomesortofatest."

    "IdontthinkSimonisthekindtorespondwelltoatest.Itmightmakehimmad."

    "Wellthisisnottheonlyplaceintheworldwecanlive."

    "Iknowthatbuthowmuchmoneydoyouhave?"

    "Ihaveacheckmygrandmothersentformybirth?day."

    "Howmuch?"

    "Twenty-fivedollars."

    "Thatlltakeusabouttothecorner."

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