章节目录 17

(88106 www.88106.info)    THEpoetgiveshimapictureofherselfposednakedasaMajaonacouch.ThePolaroidisill-lit,badlycomposed,unflatteringtoherstomach,andsheisshinyofnose.Furthermore,thecouchisugly,doneininch-squareblack-and-whitehounds-toothcheck."Whotookthepicture?"Simonasks."Someone,"shesays,andsnatchesitawayfromhim.

    Heisalayman,notafigureinherworld."Yourenotapoet,yourearealperson,"shesays."Ofcoursepoetsarefunnierthanrealpeople."Shenamesforhisenter?tainmentthesecond,third,fourth,andfifthmostbeautifulmalepoetsinthecountry."Butwhosthefirst?"thelaymanasks."Wekeepthepositionopensothattheguyswillhavesomethingtoaspireto,"shesays.Doessheknowallofthesebeautifulpoets?Aretheyallpresentorformerlovers?Simonhasnoideahowpoetsbehave.Outrageouslywouldbehisbestguess,butwhatdoesthatmeaninpractice?Thepoetslongredhairstraysoutoverthepale-bluepillowcase;herrightfoottapstimetoaPointerSistersrecord."Thedustinyourpoems,"Simonasks,"isitalwaysthesamedust?Doesitalwaysmeanthesamething?Ordoesitmeanhinginonepoemandanotherthinginanotherpoem?"Thepoetplacesahandunderabarebreast,asiftoweighit."Mydust,"shesays,"myex?cellentdust.Yourealayman,Simon,shutupaboutmydust."

    ShewasraisedinKansas,whereherfatherisawhole?salegrocer."Hegavemethis,"shesays.Sheopensabookandremovesatwenty-thousand-dollarbond."Itwassupposedtoputmethroughmedicalschool.Ididntwanttogotomedicalschool."Thebondisprettyandbluewithsomekindofnoblestatuaryonit."Shouldntthisbeinamoney-marketfundorsome?thing?"asksthelayman."Iguessso,"shesays."IfyourenotfromKansas,peopleinKansasaskyou:WhatdoyouthinkaboutKansas?Whatdoyouthinkaboutoursky?WhatdoyouthinkaboutpeopleinKansas?Arewedumb?"Shereplacesthebondinthebook."YoufindahighdegreeofsadnessinKansas."

    "WELLitsjustwhatIthoughtwouldhappenwhatIthoughtwouldhappenandithap?pened."

    "Hesafreehumanindividualnotboundtous."

    "Maybeweretoomuchforhimmaybeheneedsmoreofaone-on-hingseewhatImsaying?"

    "ItmaybejustatemporaryaberrationthatwontlastverylonglikewhensuddenlyyouseesomebodyinacrowdedPizzaHutorsomethingandyouthink,Icouldabidethat."

    "Butifshesapoetthenshewontkeephimpoetsburntheircandlesdowntonubs.Andthenfindnewcandles.Thatswhattheydo."

    "IdontknowIstillfeelthreatenedImeanImasgenerousasthenextmanbutIstillfeelemphaticallythatourpositionherehasradicallyalteredfortheworse.Somehow."

    "Poetseatupallofexperienceandthenmakepoemsofitissheanygood?"

    "Hethinksso."

    "Whatdoesheknowhesanarchitect."

    "HewasdoingCompLitbeforehegotkickedoutofUSC."

    "Whatdhegetkickedoutfor?"

    "Sluggedadeaninariot,itwasaFirstAmendmentthinghesays."

    Timcomesinwearingadark-blueflannelsuitwithafaintpinstripe.Heleaksprosperity.

    "Tim!"Veronicasays."Whatshappenedtoyou?"

    "ThisisfromPaulStuart,"Timsays."Sevenhun?dredbucks.Doyoulikeit?"

    "Youlooklikeanewman.Anewandbetterman."

    "Igotsomethinggoing,"Timsays."Impresidentofthisnewoutfitwereputtingtogether.Medlapse.Itsalawfirm."

    "Butyourenotalawyer,"Doresays."Areyou?"

    "Theconceptwasmine,"hesays,"lawyersyoucanXeroxonanystreetcorner.Werespecializinginmal?practice,itseverywhere.Iestimatethatforty-sevenpercentofallpatient-physicianencountershaveele?mentsthatwouldtendtosupportasuccessfulaction.Weprojectany-eightpercentrateofrecoveryovertwoyears."

    "VeronicasbeengoingtothisguyoveronHudsonStreet,"Annesays,"heskindofpeculiar."

    "YouthinkhespeculiarIdontthinkhespeculiar,"saysVeronica.

    "Whats"Timreachingintohisjacketforanotebook.

    "Heinsistsonbeingpaidincashonly."

    "Diddlinghistaxes."

    "Hedoesnthaveanurse."

    "ViolationofAMAguidelinesonsexualoversight,hesOB-GYN?"

    "HisnameisLinhpronouncedLinghesVietnam?esehewasageneralinVietnam."

    "TheywereallgeneralsinVietnam,"Timsays,

    "Whatreyouseeinghimforifyoudontmindmyasking?"

    "Justvariousthingshescheap,twentydollarsforanofficevisit."

    "Whenyoureready,Medlapseisready,canItakeyouladiesouttolunch,ripupachop?"

    "Wheredidyouhaveinmind?"

    "Blimpies?"

    "YourenotgoingtoBlimpiesinthatsuit?"

    "Ourcashflowisnotonlineasyet."

    HESchoppinggarlic.Sixbigclovesofgar?lic.Hemincesthegarlicandsautésitinoliveoil.Meanwhilehescookingapackageoffrozenbroccoliinahalf-cupofsaltedwater.Hedrainsthebroccoliandplacesitinthesautépanfortwoorthreeminutes,atthesametimeheatingacanofchickenbrothandhalfacanofwater.Headdschoppedparsleytothepan,letsitcookforabit,thenscoopsthecontentsofthesautépanintothechickenbrothandaddsanumberofslicesofhotcookedItaliansausage.Hecooksthisforatimeandthenpoursitintobowlsandaddsgenerouspor?tionsofgratedparmesan.

    Asimplesoup.Annesaysshelikesit."ThebestsoupIvehadindecades.IthoughtIhatedbroccolibutitjustkindoffallsapartinthissoupandbecomesvaguegreenstuff,verytasty.Isitartificiallycolored?"

    "Whydoyouask?"

    "Itstoogreen."

    "ThatsGodsownsun."

    "YouresureitsnotUnionCarbide."

    "IdontthinkCarbidedoesbroccoli."

    "Thishouseholdisaclassiccaseofexploitationbyinadversion."

    SimonscratcheshisheadlikeLionelBarrymoreinanoldmovie."Tarnationtakeit,"hesays,"ifIgetyourdrift."

    "Themalemanipulationofeverydimensionofexpe?rienceforthesuppressionanddominationoffemale-kind."

    "Right,"Simonsays."Abigsubject."

    "Gettingbiggereveryday,"shesays,suddenlycheerful.

    "Youseealotofsuppressionanddominationaroundhere?"

    "Nothissetupdoesntfitthemodelbecauseitssolaissez-faire.Butifwegotintoitsdeepstructure——"Shestopsandbeginsagain."Youdontcareaboutany?thing,Simon.Youjustgoalongcookingdinnerand**ingusindiscriminatelyandreadingTheWallStreetJournal.Yourvitalinterestsarenotinvolvedhere.Youdontgivea**."

    "Howdoyouknow?"

    OncehedbeeninthekitchenwithAnneintheearlymorning.Shewaswearingathintransparentshift,nothingelse.Theyhadalreadymadeloveandinthekitchenscuffledforalongtimealternatelyembracingandstruggling,Simonrunninghishandsoverherbreasts,herback,betweenherlegs,Annehugginghimandthenjumpingupandwrappingherlegsaroundhiswaist."Thisisafemalefantasy,"shehadsaid,"loveinthekitchen.""Loveinsteadofthekitchen,"hesaid,andshesaid,"ButIlikethekitchen."Herbuttocksweresuchastodrivemenwild,drivemenwild,hesaid,andshesaidthatwhenshedbeeninhighschoolshedwornextremelyshortshortswithjustthatinmind,hadinfactbeensenthomeatimeortwo."Mymothercouldntcontrolme,"shesaid,"Iwasuncontrollable."Hepickedherupandseatedherontopoftherefrigera?torandshethrewanavocadoathimandhecaughtitasitsmushedinhishand.Hespreadherlegsandateherasshesatatoptherefrigerator,herarmscradlinghishead."Playiswhatitsallabout,"shesaid,"whatdoesittastelike?""Littlebitsalty,"hesaid,histonguelav?ingherbellybutton,"mustbethoseblackeyedpeaswehadlastnightormaybejustyourtemperamentingen?eral."

    "Soshekickedyouout,"Annesays.

    "Shedidntkickmeout,exactly."

    "Wasshebetterthanweare?"

    "Itwaskindofadetour."

    "Areyousorry?"

    "No."

    "Itwouldbeniceifyouweresorry."

    "Everybodyalwayswantssomebodytobesorry.Fuckthat."

    "Veronicahadalittlethingwithafireman."

    "Wheredshegetthefireman?"

    "A&P.HisnamewasSalvatore.Heletherslidedownthepole."

    "Didhe."

    "Hewasmarried."

    "Thatstragic.Isittragic?"

    "Justadetour."

    Hehugsher."Frolicanddetour,thelawyerssay."

    "Butarealpoet."

    "Shesnorealerthanyouare."

    "Doyoulikewomenmorethanmusic?"

    "Alittle."

    "Youcamebackbecauseyouloveusmorethanyoulovedher."

    "Well,Ido."

    A:Ithoughtpeoplewerentsupposedtohavemorethanthreeorfournightmaresayear.Ihavethemeverynight,thereisnonightinwhichIdonthavesomethingthatcanfairlybedescribedasanight?mare.Manyofthemhavetodowithclothes.

    Q:Thewrongclothes.

    A:Notsomuchthewrongclothesasnotbeingabletogetdressed.Inparticular,thetrousers,indreamsIhavegreat,enormousdifficultybringingthetrousersupovertheknees.Theshoes,forsomereasonIhaveputonmyshoesfirstandthentrytoputonthetrousers,trytopullthemovertheshoes

    Q:Ioftendreamthatmyrifleisntclean.Youcancleanitandcleanitandthenthesergeantlooksdownthebarrelanddecidesitsnotclean,itsgotverylittletodowithwhetherthebarrelisorisnotclean,itsametaphysicalpropositionrelatedtotheArtofWar,yourpoorplacewithinthatscheme

    A:Everynight!Itstoomuch.Whatrecourse?Thegrindingofteeth.

    Q:Wheredoyouseeyourselfgoingfromhere?Inlife.

    A:Moreofthesame,Isuppose.WhenIwasmarriedIdfindmyselflookingforwardtoDumbo,youknow?Dumbowasgoingtobeontelevisionatsayseven-thirtyintheeveningandthekidwasgoingtowatchitandthatwaswhatIhadtolookforwardto,too.

    Q:Ilikedit.

    A:Ilikedit.Bizarre,whenyouthinkaboutit.

    Q:ThepartIrememberiswhenallthestorksdroppedalltheparachutesfromtheskyandallthelit?tlebabytigersandhipposrolledoutofthediapers——thebundlesthestorkswerecarryingwerediapers,thoseboysdontmissatrick——beforetheeyesoftheiraston?ishedtigerandhippoparents.Thatwascute.

    A:Terrifying.Becauseitwassowelldone.

    Q:Idontwanttoliveonafarm,togobacktothefarm.ItstooriskyandIdontknowwhattodo.SomedamncoworotherisyellingandIdontknowwhattodotoalleviateherpain.DoIputthewheatinnowordoIwaittwoweeks?Thecombine,itsdrivechainisactingupandIoughttobeabletofixitbyslammingitafewtimeswithahammer,butIdontknowwheretoslamit.Idontknowhowtotalktothebank.SomeguysknowallthisstuffandItellmyselfImnotsup?posedtoknowitbecauseImnotafarmer.YetIthinkIoughttobeafarmeroratleastbecapableofbeingafarmer.Maybeitsatavistic

    A:Idbeperfectlycomfortablelivinginahotel.Itakethattobetheoppositepole.Notnecessarilyagrandhotel,ashabbybutstillstuffyhotel.

    Q:BedfordSquare.InLondon.

    A:NeverbeentoLondon.

    Q:Wherehaveyoubeen?

    A:Tokyo,MexicoCity,Paris,Barcelona,Stock?holm,Palermo,Reykjavik——

    Q:Lotsofhotelsinthoseplaces.

    A:Stayedinthepoorerones,forthemostpart.Saidtothechambermaid,yourbreastslookbeautifulthismorning.

    Q:Shouldntmakefunofthem.

    A:Iwasnt.Ilustedafterthechambermaids.Noteveryone.

    Q:Nothingwrongwiththat.

    A:Butwhatiftheystabmeintheearwiththefeatherduster?

    Q:Wouldyouliketotrysomeoftheselittleyellowguyshere?

    SIMONwasawaystation,abed-and-breakfast,ayouthhostel,astagingarea,aC-141withthejumpersofthe82ndAirbornelinedupatthedoor.Therewasnoplaceintheworldforthesewomenwhomheloved,nogoodplace.Theycouldjointheunderemployedhalf-crazeddemi-poor,ortheycouldbewives,thosewerethechoices.Theuniversitiesofferedanotherpathbutheywerenotlikelytotake.TheuniversitiesweresomethingSimonbelievedin(ofcourse!hewasabeneficiary)buttherewasamongthewomenananimustowardtheprocessthatwouldprob?ablyneverbeovercome,notonlyimpatiencebutarealloathing,whosesourcehedidnotreallyunderstand.VeronicatoldhimthatshehadflunkedFreshmanEnglish1303threetimes."Howintheworlddidyoudothat?"heasked."Commasplices,"shesaid."Also,everytimeIwrotedownsomethingIthought,thesmall-sectionteachersaidthatitwasbanal.Itprobablywasbanal."Simonfoundwhatthewomenhadtosayanythingbutbanal,insteadedgedandimmediate.Maybenothingthatcouldberenderedina500-wordtheme,onebrightnotionandfourhundredandfiftywordsofhay.Orpsychology:Harlow,rhesusmonkeys,raisins,reward.Peopledidmasterthisstuff,moreorless,andemergedmoreorlessenrichedthereby.Com?pareandcontrastextrinsicandintrinsicmotivation,givingexamplesofeach.Father-beatenyoungwomenconsideringextrinsicandintrinsicmotivation."Weallwentthroughthis,"hetoldthem,andDoresaid,"Yeah,andyousmartguysdidtheVietnamwar."SimonhadopposedtheVietnamwarinallpossiblewaysshortofself-immolationbutcouldnotdenythatitwasawarconstructedbypeoplewhohadlaboredthroughPsychologyI,II,III,andIVandMainCur?rentsofWesternThought."But,dummy,itstheonlythingyouvegot,"hesaid."Yourbestidea.""Ihavethehighestrespectforeducation,"shesaid."Thehighest.IdbejustasdrearywhenIcameoutasIwaswhenIwentin."

    Howlsfromoutsidethefrontwindows.Itspastmidnight.Simongoesdownthestairstothestreet.

    AmaninanoldArmyfieldjacketisscreamingsome?thingabouttheSupremeCourt.Hesbeenscreaming,upanddowntheblock,forthepastsixmonths.Hehasanexceptionallydeepvoiceandprojectswithanactorsskill.SimonhaslearnedfromotherpeopleintheneighborhoodthathescalledHalandsleepsonagrateinfrontofthehospital.

    "Chicken**ers!"Halscreams.

    "Hal,"Simoncalls.

    "Kissassmother!"

    "Hal,"Simoncallsagain."Takethisfivebucks.Goeatsomething."

    Halapproaches.HestallerthanSimon,aboutforty,andwearingazipperedjumpsuitunderthefieldjacket.

    "Upyourgiggy**face,"hescreams,butaquieterscream.

    "Timeforbreakfast,Hal."

    "Thankyou,"Halsaysinanormalconversationaltone,andtakesthebill.

    Hewheelsandmarchesoffdownthestreet,scream?ing"Cuntscuntscuntscuntscunts!"

    Simongoesbackupstairs.

    Veronicacomesintohisroomlookingverygloomy,

    "Wehavetotalk,"shesays.Sheswearingarathersedatedark-bluenightgown,onehehasntseenbefore.

    "Whatsthematter?"

    "Dore.Shesfallingapart."

    "Inwhatway?"

    "Sheslostherjoyoflife."

    "Ihadntnoticed."

    "Shetriestohideitfromyou."

    "Maybeitsjusttemporary."

    "Iveneverseenherlikethis.Shesbeenreadingterriblebooks.Booksabouthowterriblemenareandhowtheyvekeptusdown."

    "Thatshouldmakeherfeelbetter,notworse.Imean,knowingthecauses."

    "Dontneedyourcheapoirony,Simon.Shesveryupset."

    "Whatdoyouwantmetodo?"

    "Talktoher."

    "WhatcanIsay?Iagreewithhalfthatstuffandthinktheotherhalfisgarbage."

    "Wellitsnotforyoutodecide,isit?Wheneverwesaysomethingyoudontlikeyousaywerehystericalorcrazy."

    "Me?"

    "Meningeneral."

    "HaveIeversaidyouwerehystericalorcrazy?"

    "Probablyyoudidntwanttostirusup.Probablyyouwerethinkingitandwerejusttootactfultosayit."

    "AreyousureitsDorewhosgotthisproblem?"

    "Shesbeenlendingusthebooks.Whatelsedowehavetodowithourtime?"

    "Soyoureallupset."

    "Thetruthshallmakeyoufree."

    "Whatmakesyouthinkthisstuffisthetruth?"

    "Thirty-fivepercentofallAmericanwomenarentallowedtotalkatdinnerparties.Thinkaboutthat."

    "Howdoyouknow?"

    "Itsinabook."

    Inhogheaventhehogswaitinlineformoreheaven.No,notright,nowaitinginline,itsunheavenly,unhogly.Thecelestialstyisquiltedinkale,belovedofhogs.Amalehogwalksuptoafemalehog,says"Wanttogetsomethinggoing?"Sheisrepulsedbyhislan?guage,says"Bro,unlessyoucanphrasethatbetter,yourechillyforever."No,thatsnotright,thisishogheaven,theyfallintoeachotherstrotters,nothingcanbedonewronghere,nothingwrongcanbedone

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